Get a Vision for Your Family - Part 2

Music was whirling around me, my hands lifted, my heart open. Praise and worship is always sweet, but that morning in particular, I needed an extra dose of God’s presence. I glanced over at the screen projecting the song lyrics, and in my eye-line was a young man from the youth group. He was tall, with short, cropped blonde hair. His hands were raised in worship.

And as I watched the young man worshiping God, I felt it drop in my heart that this young man represented what my eldest son would like in a few years. A vision, you might call it, of the young man I am raising him to be.

Now, I don’t know that young man in particular. I don’t know his name. I don’t know his personality, or his story, or what he’s actually like as a person. But every Sunday I see him there serving, ushering, worshiping. Hopefully he doesn’t notice the creeper woman watching him every week! But every Sunday, he stands as a reminder of the vision I have for my son.

In my last blog, I talked about the importance of creating an image or a vision for your family that you can move toward. If you haven’t read it or want to refresh your memory, you can read it HERE. In that post, I also shared my own vision for my family.

Now I want to talk with you about how we can be empowered to move our family in the direction of that vision. It’s not enough to have the vision or even to write it down as Habakkuk 2:2 says. You also have to put action toward it.

To move toward the vision I have for my family, I ask myself questions like these:

What can I do to propel our family toward that vision?
How can I build on my relationship with my child, today, that will advance my vision for the future?
What words can I speak over and to my child that will encourage them in their potential instead of discourage them in their present?
In what ways can I grow as a person so that I can be the parent I see in that vision?

Sounds like a lot of the work is on me, right? It’s true. A vision doesn’t come to life without action. And children won’t fulfill their potential without a push, a guide, a leader showing them the way they should go. So as parents, the vision in our court.

“You can’t change the seasons, but you can change yourself.”

~ Jim Rohn

Here are some ways that I answer the above questions for my own parenting. Maybe these will be some ideas for you and your family.

Invest in Your Children

Do things together as a family, so they know they are a priority. We have a family night every week where we watch a movie together. We eat dinner together at the table as a family almost every night: no toys, no phones, just us. Sometimes we talk school. Sometimes we talk about teachable moments. Being together is the only requirement!

They may not realize why we do it now. They may not realize that at the end of the week, I don’t always want to watch a Lego Movie or the newest movie about rescuing a dog, but I do it for them. They won’t realize the sacrifices we make for them until they are much older, but those sacrifices are the investments that we make in our children to see the vision for our family come to pass. No vision happens without an investment.

Find a Mentor

Have a parenting role models. Maybe your parents weren’t the type of people you want to model your own parenting after. That’s okay. It doesn’t have to be your family. Look for someone who’s children are grown (or at least older than yours) and are examples of what you envision your children growing to be. Someone whose family is aligned with your vision for your own family.

If you know this person, reach out to them. Ask them to coffee and pick their brain. Ask what their best piece of parenting advice is. I can’t tell you how valuable it is to hear from someone who has made it through the diapers, the sports lessons, the car pooling, the hormones, and come out on the other side a success! Their perspective is priceless.

This mentor, though, doesn’t have to be someone you know. I’ve learned so much from reading a lot of parenting books. (Shocker, I know. You can bet that one of my tips in any subject is reading a book!) But not only that. I listen to podcasts from people who know a lot more than me about being a parent. I’ve taken courses on parenting. (I highly recommend the Moms of Men course by Lisa Bevere and Havilah Cunnington.) I listen to how people talk to their children or about their children. I observe people, even ones that I don’t know, and how they treat their children.

You don’t have to know someone to glean valuable wisdom from them. I’ve never met John and Lisa Bevere, and yet I look at their family of four boys (now men) and think, “Look how their kids turned out. I can do this.” You don’t have to live near someone to learn from them. I have family friends in Florida who have five children (almost all grown), and through social media, I watch how to spend time with them, brag on them, uplift them, and how much the children adore their parents in return. You can find a mentor in so many ways, if you only begin to look.

Lead by Example

If your vision is for your child to be a godly Christian, then they need to see you being a godly Christian. If you want your child to be go after their dreams to be successful, then they need to see you going after your dreams, not giving into fear. If you want your child to be confident in who they are, then they need to see you being confident in yourself, knowing how valuable and worthy you are.

Your children are always watching you. That doesn’t mean you need to be perfect. In fact, the exact opposite. Your kids need to see that you make mistakes too, but when you make mistakes, you are quick to apologize and make the situation right.

What you do, your children will learn to do too. What you value, your children will learn to value. So lead yourself, and your children will follow by example.

Invest in Yourself

You are invaluable to your family. Because of this, your health and mental care is invaluable! Take time for yourself. A friend of mine, Eileen Wilder, has a free course on Self Care for Busy People where she walks you through how to find the time, place and priorities for self care. You are too important to your family to not care for yourself. Take yourself out for dinner. Wake up a little earlier so that you can have your own alone time without anyone asking you for anything or pulling on you. Get a massage. Care for yourself. You can’t give to your family out of an empty cup. Fill yourself up. Your family will be better for it!

Remember I’m learning all of this as I go and I certainly don’t know everything there is to know about parenting! How could I? I don’t even have teenagers yet! But I believe that when we learn alongside each other, we are the iron that sharpens each other!

Spread the word. If this blog post spoke to you, share it with your friends!